I have been working non stop. I am either a mom or a college student. Both things together makes me extremely exhausted. Somedays I don’t even want to get out of bed. I feel that I am in a rut, and I want so badly to be out of it. A friend told me just last week that I need to stop hiding behind my school work. I really did not understand it at the time, but I totally get it now. I find myself, not only having time for my kids, not having time for myself. I guess I need to focus on that.
I saw a really good psychologist this week. She told me I need to take time for myself (again!!) and to stop blaming myself for everything that happens. When you are a mom, you just think everything is your fault. At least I do. I always feel that if I was to do something different, then the outcome would be a lot better. I even blame myself for my husband not finding a job yet. Somehow, it is my fault. The doctor told me that I would benefit from cognitive behavior therapy. She kept telling me that I have “damn good insurance” and I need to take advantage of that. It makes me wonder what it would feel like to be optimistic. David is optimistic all the time, he seems happy. She also thinks that I need grief therapy. I totally agree with that one.
I also have been trying to go to the gym more. When I go, I feel a little better. I just zone out on the bike or treadmill. It is mind numbing, and I don’t think about the other crap that is going on around me. I love my family, I love my husband, but us being with out a job equals more stress for me. I just have to keep going, one day at a time.